Moving Forward to a Better Future with the Happy Hour Ladies
Moving Forward to a Better Future with the Happy Hour Ladies
Today is the last Friday of the month and my regular listeners know that on the last Friday of the month, I host happy hour on the podcast where I gather great friends with me to drink cheap drinks and talk about money topics.
Since the last time we recorded a happy hour, a lot has happened in the world, specifically around the murder of George Floyd, the global protests, and an overall shift in conversations around race relations. We are all going to have tough conversations, at least I hope we do and I hope we have been having them.
I always feel like the toughest conversations are best had with friends. Joining happy hour this month is Chonce Maddox, from My Debt Epiphany, to share some of her thoughts about recent events, as well as the rest of the ladies. I hope this inspires you to have some conversations as well.
What are we drinking?
Melanie from Dear Debt, Lola Retreat, and MentalHealthandWealth.com — Pineapple and Vodka
Tonya from BudgetandtheBeach.com and Tonya-Stumphauzer.com — Pinot Grigio from Trader Joe’s
Liz, Mrs. Frugalwoods, from Frugalwoods.com — Caramel Vodka with a splash of Green Apple Schnapps
Chonce, from mydebtepiphany.com — Red Summer Sangria
Shannon — Gin and Tonic
Podcast Notes
Melanie’s curiosity got the best of her last week and she watched the whole George Floyd video. After the officers were charged, she felt compelled to watch it and it messed her up the entire day.
Chonce wasn’t able to make it through the entire video, but she saw enough. It shouldn’t have gone on that long.
Melanie wanted to fully understand the extent of everything that happened after the event. It was horrifying and she is glad the officers were charged.
Black people have been killed for no reason so many times, and this was the breaking point. We can’t do this anymore. Now is the time to look deeply at ourselves and our own biases and racism and figure out why these things are happening.
It is frustrating, because this keeps happing over and over and it normalizes it. For Chonce the videos are too much sometimes, but it is important to put yourself in that place. Every life is important and a lot of people have died that didn’t deserve to die.
It is a lot to handle. We’ve put a bandaid on it and we haven’t treated the wound. We haven’t taken the steps toward self-awareness, acknowledgment, and healing. The wound keeps getting hurt.
It isn’t good enough. We haven’t gotten as far as we think we have. It’s like pouring lemon juice and salt in a wound.
It is horrific this is happening again and again and policy makers are refusing to make the changes that need to happen to stop this. Liz hopes that this is some sort of a turning point or a consciousness raising that hasn’t happened before. Why do we need to keep having this happen for people to get the message?
There is more of a ground swell of anger and frustration right now. Liz wonders if it will catalyze into something meaningful.
Tonya is worried it will be like school shootings, which have taken a backseat like climate change. There are a lot of issues we need to address. This is in the news and behind that is COVID. With the protests, it calls for immediate action.
The people in Minnesota did not react fast enough to make arrests. There are the small, continuous changes we need to do to make sure we don’t forget about it. This is where the real change has to happen.
Tonya grew up in a subtly racist town. It was taught that she loves Oprah and Eddie Murphy, so she isn’t a racist. Implicit bias is little messages you were told by others, like your relatives at the dinner table that a certain race was this and a certain religion was that. There are certain stereotypes you grow up with.
Even though most people aren’t doing anything to hurt people, these biases add up. Change need to happen and conversations behind closed doors need to change.
It is hard for Chonce to process what to do and how to talk about this with her black son, because she doesn’t know what the future world will look like. He is ten and it is heartbreaking to think about a future where he could be discriminated against. It has been a struggle for her.
On one hand, Chonce wants her son to have a positive outlook on the world and she wants him to think he can do anything he wants. She also has to think realistically and she wants him to be smart and safe, but she doesn’t want him growing up to be fearful. She is trying to find the balance and have the wisdom to talk to him.
Her son asks simple questions like what George Floyd was doing that was wrong. Chonce’s parents talked to her about it when she was growing up and set her up to expect discrimination and taught her that she might not be welcome in some places. She was taught not to spread hate and not discriminate against other people.
Chonce doesn’t live in fear. It comes down to wisdom. In a lot of cases, these things are out of our control. Chonce is careful and makes sure she is doing the right thing.
Liz tries to expose her girls, ages two and four, to the fact that there are different types of people in the world and tries to instill empathy, kindness, and a sense of respect. She focuses on having books and TV shows with kids of many different colors and religions.
Liz is trying to expose her girls to diversity in all its forms and emphasize that people live in many different ways and the way that they live is different how other people live. She is trying to help them understand that there are many different ways to be and there isn’t one right way.
Racism is a learned behavior. Tonya heard subtle messages when she was growing up. Thankfully, she was exposed to people who lived differently than her with different skin colors, religions, and sexuality.
A lot of people never leave the bubble of where they were raised and don’t have experience with different people. Those messages stick with you.
Melanie grew up in Long Beach, California, and she was exposed to diversity in school. Her mom grew up in the projects in Detroit and she grew up around a lot of black people. Melanie didn’t really think much about it, until she was older.
The little messages build your DNA on how you think about race. It is possible to change your beliefs. Educate yourself, learn, and have difficult conversations.
Shannon went to an all-girls catholic school. It was there she learned that not every black person was African American.
It is about representation and exposure. Melanie lived in New York City in her 20’s and when she moved to Oregon, she met a guy that said he didn’t meet a black person until he was 18. There are many people who have only been exposed to black people through the media.
Chonce is a black voice in personal finance. At first, it felt like it was a white male dominated field. She got into it using her personal experience and she attracted people who went through similar things. A lot of women gravitated to her.
Seeing more diversity in the personal finance space has helped Chonce a lot. She wants to start talking more about what is going on and how it is affecting people, especially minorities. There is a need and a lot of people who don’t come from a background with certain privileges and she feels blessed to be in the space. She doesn’t feel as out of place now as she did when she started.
Shannon started this podcast on a dare, because five years ago it was mostly men who were podcasting. Personal finance isn’t just for white men.
There needs to be more representation of women, men, straight, queer, etc, in the personal finance space to tell their stories.
A lot of people stood up for black people and people of color, because what happened to George Floyd isn’t a one-time thing, it is a pattern. It is hard to speak up, but as white people it is important to do and we need to practice this moving forward to change the status quo.
Shannon is hopeful this is more like a Me Too moment for black people and this is the time where things that were institutionalized are questioned. Men and women need to call this out.
The people who created the problem need to get their behavior right and fix the problem. The onus cannot be on black people. We need to take this moment and fix things and have hard conversations.
We need to think deeper. Social media is great, but what are the harder conversations you can have with friends and family to educate. It is going to be a long journey.
Use your voice and speak out. There is only so much black people can do. We all have a role to play and it isn’t going to look the same for everyone.
Do something to move forward, even if it is just checking yourself. At the very least, vote. Look at the policies and who the candidate would surround themselves with.
Kiersten Saunders, from Rich and Regular, said it is better to say something and be corrected and checked and keep going than to be silent. Learn out loud. We are going to be awkward and messy, but we will be learning out loud and together.
Kara, from Bravely Go, said black squares are nice, but green dollars are better. COVID has affected everyone’s livelihood.
Speak up in those uncomfortable moments when you hear something off color. You don’t need to get in a fight with your uncle at the dinner party, but have a dialogue. There could be someone who is young sitting in that room and it could be a more positive influence than everyone laughing uncomfortably.
Vote, be informed about your local and national elections. Plan ahead and start the absentee process now, if you cannot make it in November. Volunteer in your local community and figure out where your money will have the most impact and move the needle.
Keep the education and consciousness and know what is going on. Keep the conversations going, even if they are tough. Make sure you do your research and know where your money is going in your community and know who you are supporting.
Do your own personal work. It starts in you and in your home and then expands to the greater community. If you can’t understand the pain, anger, and emotion, you need to learn and get to that point of empathy and understanding. Find a way to get there.
TAKEAWAY: My biggest takeaway is to take the time to learn, listen, and engage in as many conversations with as many people who will talk to you. I truly hope all of this protesting and angst the world is going through is the exact pain we need to bring about significant change. It all and starts with the individual work we do within ourselves and within our circles.
As I’ve mentioned, The Financial Gym is supporting Black Lives Matter through scholarships for people in the black community. While we currently have a waitlist for applicants, if you would like to support future scholarships, please email caitlin@fingyms.com, to find out how you can support more black lives through financial literacy.
If you have any topics you would like for us to talk about during happy hour, please feel free to email me at shannon@fingyms.com or tweet to me at blonde_finance or join the private martinis and your money Facebook group and let us know. Until next time, take care!!