Replay: Imposter Syndrome and PepTalkHer with Meggie Palmer
Hello Martinis and Your Money listeners. In July’s happy hour episode we discussed being burnt out and the toll that the pandemic has taken on many workers and it’s certainly taken its toll on me in a lot of different ways. So to give myself time to refuel my own tank, I’m taking the month of August off from recording and working on the podcast. I’ll be vacationing with family, vacationing with my boyfriend Vinnie, enjoying a company retreat with my FinGym team, and prepping for what I hope will be a really great Fall season for the Gym as we open all four gym locations; back for events and client co-working. It's very exciting times. So during these four Fridays in August, I’ll be replaying some of my favorite episodes from this past year. I’ll be returning back in September with all-new episodes through the end of the year. Thank you so much for always supporting the show and allowing me some much-needed rest from producing new content. I’ll see you in September..
Welcome to 2021!! I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t be more excited to be starting a new year and a fresh start with all of you! 2020 turned out to be a year for survival and I feel like it’s time to make 2021 a year for thriving. I’m kicking off this new year addressing a topic that I know will help you thrive in 2021, and that’s imposter syndrome.
At The Financial Gym, we’re always encouraging clients to dream bigger and manifest greater, and a common hurdle for many clients achieving those goals is overcoming imposter syndrome. Joining me today is Meggie Palmer, founder of PepTalkHer, to share her best strategies for managing and overcoming imposter syndrome. There are so many great pearls of wisdom in this conversation whether you are challenged with imposter syndrome or not.
What are we drinking?
Meggie - Green Smoothie
Shannon - Black Cherry Schweppes
Podcast Notes
Meggie grew up in Australia and worked as a foreign correspondent and journalist for about 15 years. She had an experience in her career where she found out her pay conditions were very different from her male colleagues.
When she found out about the gap in pay, she couldn’t believe it. When she brought it up to management, she thought they would realize their mistake and fix it, but instead, there was a very hostile reaction. It was frustrating and stressful. This is what started her journey to learn more about the gender pay gap, to understand it, and to do something about it.
It is somewhere between 15 and 20% that women get paid less than male colleagues. If we leave this to government and big businesses, it will take more than 100 years for that gap to close. Meggie wanted to do something that individuals could put in place now to help move the needle.
In some countries, they force companies to report what their gender pay gap is, so their is some data that show the gap is slowly closing. We are seeing some changes in New York State, like employers can no longer ask you what your previous salary was.
There is new legislation coming out of California that will require companies to report their pay-gap statistics. This has been the case in Australia and the U.K. for decades. In the U.K., you can look up your employer online and see what that gap is.
Most companies expect you to negotiate, but there are some companies that are moving to a more transparent salary.
There have been three separate studies in three different countries that show the amount of money that boys get for allowance is more than what girls get. Most likely it is because of the gendered roles of the chores. Maybe a boy chopping wood is perceived as harder or a more important task than a girl who is helping inside. We are socialized from a very early age to perceive money and our worth very differently.
There have been studies done on university graduates, where it is found that the male starting salary is higher than the female starting salary. There is an unconscious bias that contributes to this. It is Meggie’s mission to change this.
Men flex the negotiation muscle often, and it takes time for women to work that muscle. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
Imposter syndrome is the sense where you feel like a fraud or just lucky to get the job. It’s when you don’t truly believe you deserve that role.
Meggie found out about this syndrome when she was poached for another network and she was surrounded by impressive people. Her boss talked to her about this and said he still feels like one day the imposter police are going to drag him out of his office and say they made a mistake for 40 years.
This was a lightbulb moment for Meggie, because she thought she was the only one. It is a feeling, not reality. People are not giving you a job to be nice, they are not charities. It’s because they think you are good at what you do and they think you will make them more money.
70% of people experience imposter syndrome, but it manifests differently in men. Men are much better at hiding it and they tend to overcompensate. Women tend to shy away and think they can’t do it. It is important to lean into it and if you are experiencing it, sit with it and realize it is okay, and then strengthen your confidence muscle.
When it comes to confidence and building that muscle, it is about reminding yourself every day that your employer is lucky to have you and tell yourself how you are adding value to your company. If you can shift mindset, you can change behavior as well.
On the front end, there is the imposter syndrome that prevents you from applying for jobs, and on the back end, there is the imposter syndrome when you are in the job.
When we apply for a job and are afraid we won’t get it or we are afraid we won’t get a call back, we tend to worry that it will dent our sense of self worth. We need to reframe that to think about the worst thing that will happen. Most often, it is just that you will spend a half hour or an hour on that application.
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and put yourself out there. You need to talk to your network and let them know what you are looking for. People are willing to help you if you give them the chance. Get comfortable talking about money. The more we normalize this, the more money and confidence we will get.
Talk about money with your friends and recruiters, or others that are safe. You need to be prepared to answer when an employer asks how much you want to make.
You need to have the wish, the want, and the walk numbers. What is the figure where you won’t accept the job, your walk number, and what is the wish figure that is a ridiculous amount of money, and what is between those two figures that is a fair amount of money.
Have a script ready to go. If they ask what you want to make, tell them you are well compensated where you are now and you bring a lot to the table, and that you expect that this job will compensate you aligned with your expertise.
You need to be honest to get what you want. It is like going into a relationship knowing you want kids and the other person doesn’t. If you want $70,000 and they aren’t willing to pay you that amount, it isn’t a good start to a healthy relationship.
You need to do the work. If a company can’t afford to pay you what you want, and you really want to work there, think about compensation outside of salary. Sometimes it is work from home, stocks, paying for pet insurance, commission, etc. You could always ask them to review it after three or six months. Ask what that path looks like.
Realize that sometimes a healthier work environment will lower your spending. Most of us spend the majority of our days working and you may have better spending habits with a new job. You cannot put a price on your health, especially if you are depressed or stressed. Choose life and happiness, and eventually the money will come.
When you first start a job, the first six to nine months everyone is out of their depth and you need to give yourself grace. Track your successes and wins.
The PepTalkHer app allows you to track this. You can upload emails and other documents where people say you did well. When you have your evaluation and you don’t have data, it is all on your boss.
You need to surround yourself with cheerleaders including friends, coworkers, and others in your community. The best executives have coaches and you need one too. You need someone to keep you within the guardrails.
When you are progressing in your career and you have aspirations, it can be lonely and you may need to let go of some people in your life along the way.
PepTalkHer allows you to keep those kudos files and it gives you something to look back on. Unless you are getting constant questions around the type of work you are doing or if you get more negative feedback than positive, this can be helpful.
Ask coworkers if they have “frank and fearless” feedback for you and be ready for their responses. Use this to grow. Send an FYI email to key stakeholders above or below you that is casual and keeps you front of mind. If you don’t do your own PR, nobody else will do it.
If you feel like you aren’t getting acknowledged for how much you are working, maybe you aren’t doing the best job you could or getting the results you should.
Sometimes we make assumptions. Maybe your boss is busy or they have something going on in their personal life. Reach out and ask. You might not like what they say, but at least you know and you have time to make those improvements. Take the power back.
Reach out to three people today that you’ve worked with in the past or you’d like to work with in the future and let them know that you admire what they are doing or what they’ve done. Start a conversation with them now and build those relationships.
Networking is like planting a garden. Plant seeds, water them, and if you tend to it, you will be able to pull from it. It is give, give, get. When you need support, it will feel more relational rather than transactional.
All of Meggie’s jobs have come through relationships. She hasn’t applied for a job since she was a teenager. When you have more options, you have more leverage. Money gives you choices.
Takeaway: My biggest takeaway is that sometimes you are your own worst enemy as far as creating barriers for growth and success. The sooner you can embrace the greatness you already have inside you and harness it for the growth you’re meant to achieve, the more you’re going to make 2021 your year of thriving.
Random Three Questions
What positive thing has come out of the pandemic experience for you?
What have you been bingeing during the pandemic?
When we can openly travel, where is the first place you will go?
Connect with Meggie
Website: Peptalkher.com
Instagram: @peptalkher
Free App: PepTalkHer
Email: hello@peptalkher.com
If you have any topics you would like me to cover on this podcast, or if you’d like to get in the financially naked hot seat, I encourage you to email me at Shannon@fingyms.com, or join the private Martinis and Your Money Facebook group, and let me know what you want to hear.
2020 was a challenging year, and if money was one of those challenges for you, please don’t let 2021 be more of the same. Despite a global pandemic, we witnessed Financial Gym clients achieve amazing goals all year long. We’ve worked with over 6,000 clients at this point and we’ve literally seen it all and would love to help you achieve your financial dreams in 2021. So head over to, or send friends to, financialgym.com to get set up today.