Avoiding Generalizations with Lynn
Avoiding Generalizations with Lynn
It’s December of 2020, and at this point, I feel like I could write volumes of books on lessons I’ve learned this year. Honestly, as awful of a year as it’s been, I really do value these lessons, no matter how painful they may seem. For me, one of the greatest lessons is the importance of challenging conversations. I’ve had a few of these on my podcast, and today’s episode is a result of a conversation that happened offline that I felt could benefit everyone online. None of us is perfect. All of us need to consider ourselves active students, especially when it comes to empathy, and the best way to learn is through honest conversations.
Joining me today is Lynn, a long time Financial Gym client, who raised her hand after something on this show rubbed her the wrong way. I’m glad she raised her hand and I hope you enjoy hearing about her family’s immigrant story.
What are we drinking?
Lynn - Coffee
Shannon - Black Cherry Schweppes
Podcast Notes
Lynn has been a podcast listener for about two years. She found the show through her financial trainer and The Financial Gym emails. She originally found The Gym through someone she followed on instagram.
A few months ago Shannon did an episode about the black wealth gap with two Financial Gym employees, and a generalization was made about how there is more family support for Asian families than for black families.
After the episode was released, Lynn asked her trainer if she could speak to Shannon, because of how that comment impacted her in a negative way.
This year has shown us the importance of having conversations in a constructive way where both side learn something. We can get better.
This year, The Gym established a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion team, and they established a way for employees to anonymously share micro aggressions. One of their Asian employees brought up this comment as well and Gym employees were able to talk about it.
Lynn is half Vietnamese and half Chinese. Her mom is Chinese, but she was raised in Vietnam, and her dad is Vietnamese raised in Vietnam. Her parents immigrated separately to the US before they were married. Her mom came over by boat.
Her dad’s was raised in a village and it was difficult for his mom to support all of her kids, so he joined the army for the Vietnam war. He met a woman who took I him in, who was like a second mom. She had a fabric store and did well.
When she decided she wanted to move to America, she brought him with her and he was able to fly instead of taking a boat. Her parents didn’t know each other when they lived in Vietnam.
When they moved to America, her parents were adults. They were set up by mutual friends when they lived in San Francisco and they eventually got married. They were married in 1985.
They ended up investing in a Vietnamese restaurant and, because they ran the restaurant, Lynn spent a lot of time there and she learned to love cooking. Her family was very close.
Lynn’s parents didn’t have college educations, or business backgrounds, but they made enough from the restaurant that they were able to send Lynn and her brother to a private school and they received a great education.
When Lynn was 11, her grandma wasn’t doing well. Her parents sold the restaurant and moved to Seattle to be closer to her grandma, and they decided not to go back into the business. Her parents went back into food service and now work at a catering company, where they create boxed and pre-made lunches for businesses. Her mom has not worked since the beginning of the pandemic.
Lynn is grateful for the opportunity she had to go to college. However, now there is the stress of taking care of her parents. They cannot read English well, so a lot of that falls on Lynn, like reading/paying bills. She feels like she owes them.
Lynn is trying to figure out a way where she can support them more when they cannot work.
It was difficult for Lynn to hear the comment about how Asian people are given things versus working for them. Lynn feels fortunate that she still has a job and she is able to plan for her future. She knows a lot of people who are supported by their families, but not necessarily financially.
Lynn’s dad has always been in the back cooking so he doesn’t know as much English as her mom. They ask her to read a lot of things to them. She tries to teach them when she can.
Now that her mom is home a lot, she has been having technical issues. She is now able to FaceTime.
Lynn speaks Chinese with her parents and her parents speak Vietnamese with each other. Her mom wanted to raise Lynn and her brother Chinese, so she put them in a Chinese school and her mom taught her dad Chinese too. Lynn understands Vietnamese, but she cannot have a conversation in it.
A challenge with COVID for Asian people Shannon knows, is when it is labeled as a Chinese or Asian disease. Lynn hasn’t heard much from her parents about this. Her dad always taught her to keep going when people say bad things.
Lynn’s aunt owns a Chinese herbal store in the international district in Seattle, and they had to protect their store, because a lot of store were vandalized in the protests.
People in New York get spat upon and there are people online ranting. There is an underlying fear about looking a certain way and other people being triggered.
Lynn knows of a man that was attacked this year.
Everybody has their own story. Not everybody is the same, so it is good to try to understand each person, instead of generalizing. Quit with generalizations, especially those that are cultural or culturally triggered.
So much has changed over the generations and it is important to listed to peoples’ stories. People want to be heard and understood.
Encourage more conversations. Go with your gut and raise your hand. There are really great things on the other side of bravery. Lean into it.
Lynn and two of her high school friends start a podcast so they can share their stories. It is called Ladies in Progress.
Takeaway: My biggest takeaway is to encourage everyone to continue to have what may seem like challenging or painful conversations. As long as they are grounded in truth and compassion, both parties will end up the better for having it.
Resources Mentioned
The Unspoken Truth about Asian Racism
Random Three Questions
When is the last time you cried?
Where is the first place you would like to travel when you are able?
If this is your last meal on earth, what would it be?
If you have any topics you would like me to cover on this podcast, or if you’d like to get in the financially naked hot seat, I encourage you to email me to Shannon@fingyms.com, or join the private Martinis and Your Money Facebook group, and let me know what you want to hear.
2020 has been a challenging year, and if money was one of those challenges for you, please don’t let 2021 be more of the same. Despite a global pandemic, we witnessed Financial Gym clients achieve amazing goals all year long, and we’ve worked with over 6,000 clients at this point. We’ve literally seen it all and we would love to help you achieve your financial dreams in 2021. So if you’re ready to get started head over to, or send friends to, financialgym.com to get set up today.