Overcoming Fear with Shirell Gross
Overcoming Fear with Shirell Gross
Despite the fact that we are currently still in the middle of this COVID-19 pandemic in the U.S., I am airing shows I recorded before this began. Please note, that this episode is pre-COVID-19, and if you would like a during-COVID update from me, it will be at the end of the show.
Today’s episode was recorded pre-COVID, but the message about facing your fears and finding the strength to make important changes, I believe, is even more meaningful now, given what is going on in the world. Many people are getting forced into change, whether they like it or not.
Joining me today to share how you can live your best life is Shirell Gross, founder and president of Measure of Ambition. Her business focuses on working with women through these issues, but I believe her advice applies to everyone.
What are we drinking?
Shirell - Coffee with light cream and half a packet of Stevia
Shannon - Black Cherry Schweppes
Podcast Notes
Shirell started her career as a lawyer. She grew up in Hartford, Connecticut, and she wanted to be a lawyer since she was nine years old.
Initially she wanted to be famous defense attorney, but she became a prosecutor because she was an intern at a prosecutor's office. After that, she was hired at a law firm that represented doctors who were sued for malpractice and professional actions.
After that, she went into her first company, Quest Diagnostics, and worked there for five or six years and then went over to Bayer for years and led two law departments globally, the last one being with device and pharmaceutical products.
After 27 years of practicing law, she decided to start her own firm. Shirell was very successful, but she got to a point where she was in an organization where there was no advancement. Higher positions had been primarily reserved for German men.
She likes growing, learning, and pushing herself and others around her. If she stayed, she would have been miserable.
Shirell can control managing her money, but she can’t control working in an environment that isn’t good for her mental health.
She decided to leave and she waited a year, because she wanted to plan it out and get her team ready for her departure first. Shirell didn’t tell anyone she was planning to leave.
She cut expenses and planned that way, but she didn’t think about what it takes to start a business. People don’t think about startup costs. You don’t make much money in the beginning.
Shirell doesn’t believe in regrets, because they don’t allow you to move forward. She has developed better money management skills through this process. She realized she can make do with much less than she thought.
It doesn’t matter how great your idea is, it will take time to build. The only thing that keeps you alive when you are starting a business is not spending a lot of money.
You don’t want to swap the misery of a job that you hate for the misery of not being able to pay your bills. There are things you can do to mitigate how you feel. What can you get or learn from where you are that you can use for your next level? Most of the time there are plenty of people where you are that you can learn from.
Shirell loves being a lawyer and she is good at it, but she took an unofficial poll of 15 people regarding her next life/what do you see me doing, and only one said being a general counsel of a law department.
Someone told Shirell that what lights her up is helping other people get to the next level and coming up with strategic plans to help them reach their full potential. They told her to focus on that.
She saw an advertisement for coaching school, and she decided to attend because she wanted to go after what she loved to do.
There are so many different chapters of our lives and many women see their life options as very limited. It all points back to fear. It is hard to get out of our own way and fear holds us back.
Shirell talks a lot about strategies to manage your fear. It is a natural human emotion, but you need to manage it so you can move forward. Recognize it and decide to do it anyway.
You identify fear by using self talk: “If I can be successful in [fill in the blank], would I do it?” We want to guarantee success and when we can’t, fear is all over it.
You need to take ten minutes every day to think about your problems, worries, or what you need to do and how can you get where you want to go. Take time for that white space to think.
A lot of times you will have clarity through thinking, and you can create plans around it. The fear subsides, because you are walking in it.
You need to create boundaries with yourself and others, so you don’t drain your energy. Fear can take over, because you don’t have the energy to think.
Having a clear space helps you have clearer thinking - messy house, messy mind.
If money wasn’t a factor, what would you want? Once you identify what you want, things start to work in that way.
Think about what you want to do. We don’t spend enough time trying to figure out who we are. If you don’t know the who, you won’t know the what. For most women, when they figure out what they want to do, it is usually something they wanted to do when they were younger, but someone told them along the way that they couldn’t do that.
Once you have clarity, there is a new energy. When people are empowered, they are energized. You have to find your motivation. Create a memento of that motivation, so every time you want to give up you can decide not to when you look at it.
All of this is about making a decision to want to do something and be something better, because what you are doing now isn’t working. Then it is work.
Don’t have an expectation that it won’t be hard work. It is different than what you are doing, because it is fulfilling.
After Shannon met with a life coach, it took her five years to have the idea to create The Financial Gym, and she has been building it for seven years. It takes a long time and you need to have patience.
You will feel so much better in two sessions with a coach, than you do now. There is something about making a decision to change that will lighten you up. Don’t look too far out, just try to get to the next level. It is a process.
You first need to get over your fear of doing what you want and then you need to have the patience to see it through. You need to surround yourself with the right people who will encourage you and propel you forward, even if they don’t understand it.
You can’t change another person’s perspective, but if you allow that to infiltrate your mind it will stop you dead in your tracks. You can decide how you want a person engage and interact with you. You may have to say that you don’t want to hear their opinion.
If there is a failure that is going to happen, it is yours to fail. It is not because you surrounded yourself with people who were encouraging. You don’t need a different point of view, you need encouragement.
Give yourself the permission and privilege to feel what you are feeling. Our highest need is self-actualization, or to be the best that you can be and reach your full potential. Understand there is nothing wrong with you, it is your human nature trying to get your attention.
Getting unstuck is recognizing there is something wrong. From there, take the time to sit and think and get the right support. That support will start to move you forward and get you out of your own way.
The only way to get unstuck is to pick yourself up, take the first step, and then keep taking steps. Make a decision to change and everything else will come into play.
You have to do the work, but you will not regret doing the work. It is fun and invigorating, and you will be so happy you made that change. What is the worst that can happen?
Takeaway: My biggest takeaway is in the power of your own personal mental gain in your success. Truly, the more you believe in yourself, and I know that is really difficult when it is easy to be down on yourself, the easier it is for others to see as well.
Random Three Questions
If you weren’t coaching, what would you do for a job?
What is a food you hated as a child and do you like it as an adult?
If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it?
Connect with Shirell
Website: www.shirellspeaks.com
Email: shirell@shirellspeaks.com
If you have any topics you would like me to cover on this podcast, or If you’d like to get in the financially naked hot seat, I encourage you to email me to Shannon@fingyms.com, or join the private Martinis and Your Money Facebook group, and let me know what you want to hear.
If you’d like to talk to my team at the Financial Gym to help you recession proof your finances during this crazy time, the great news is we have an amazing discount happening right now. You really have no excuses. This time may have created concern for your physical health, your mental health may be struggling, but there is no reason your financial health should be stressing you out. Helping clients manage through challenging situations is our specialty. My trainers have seen it all and don’t care how you got into your situation, they just care about getting you where you want to go. So head over to, or send friends to, financialgym.com to get set up today.